Am I losing my voice? Or was it ever there?

Since I've been out of school, I've felt like I have no right to speak up on anything.

I came back to Columbia, MO to get back in the school mentality and start back soon. While I've been here, I've found myself trying to be as low-key as possible as far as the events that Mizzou hosts and my old college, Stephens. Simply because of my own personal insecurity that my voice doesn't count due to me not being in school.

I know how silly it sounds, I'm sure everyone is not thinking that way about me,  but I still can't shake the feeling.

I've always been very interested in constructive conversation relating to current events and how people feel about what's happening and the beauty of different minds coming together to make effective change. If there was one thing I've missed about college, it's that.

Now I'm back in the college scene, and I'm hearing about events, but I'm not inspired by them at all. They all seem like they're done for selfish reasons and personal notoriety. And if it's not that, then the events are so damn repetitive, it's ridiculous.

And I want so badly to discuss how over it I am, but where do I stand in this? I find myself saying all the time, "I can't wait until I'm back in school, I'll finally be able to voice my opinion again."

And if I could listen to the voice inside my head, I'd act on the fact that I have every right to defend my beliefs and speak up on my ideas of how a community should work and how action with no real substance might as well be doing nothing.

But I guess my hesitance comes from a place of not really feeling like I know what it is I want to do. What ARE my solutions? Am I speaking up in vain???

I would hate to be a person of empty words.

So, yeah... that's that.

And honestly it's not just college that has me feeling like my voice is gone, but a lot of other small things as well. (Hence me not writing in a looong time)

You ever just feel like you are so passionate about so much, but still don't know what your thing is? That one thing that you stand for? As far as this blog goes, I can't figure out what it is exactly that I want to do to call it mine. What is it that I want to give off? Who would be my target audience?

UGH. Just writing this all out has me frustrated, but I think this is exactly what I need. To just ramble on and on until I let it out and come to a conclusion.

But all around I just want to use all the passion I have and make my voice useful.
 I know two things for sure: I want to make a change and I want to be able to witness it.

Pretty simple... or nah?