RAW

So this will be the last time I talk about THIS. And this time, I'm gonna be raw and honest.

I came to a revelation two days ago that I just can't seem to grip and as I type this, my hands are shaking because I don't want to be judged for this, but I also write this because I know I need to say it. 

Okay, here it goes..

I was a sideline chick...and didn't even know it. 

Doesn't matter who he was, doesn't matter what transpired, all that I know is it ended with me finding out I was a sideline chick. 

I can't bring myself to believe it yet. Only because it hurts knowing that ALL that I had to give you was pure. All I said was true. All of me was yours. 

But you weren't mine. 

Mine. 

"I just wanna say you're mine, you're mine.."

Funny how many girls are out and about singing those same ass lyrics about you, that I was. Funny how many girls are typing on their blogs, tweeting, writing journal entries, and praying to the most high, "God, PLEASE just help me get over him."

for you..

ANGER

I'm angry because these girls and I have you in common and you have no one on my end that you can relate to about me. 

I let you taste me. A flavor that even I had no idea the taste. A feel, I dared not touch, because I was saving it for the man that I loved and who loved me back. 

HA! 

And even through the whole time that we were in our "situation", and we called it on and off, I always had your words to hold on to. Now, I have nothing. I can't look back on this and say "Well, at least we had love. At least I got to experience love." no. Because this wasn't love. 

You are just another body for the lonely. 

You have nothing to give, but you take from the givers. You are a heartless child who had no real intention but to take from me, from us... and keep it as shrine of all the hearts you possess. 

On your birthday, you left your gift; the card on the kitchen table. Not on the floor, or any other spot that could have deemed it as an accident. You left it on the night stand... card on the kitchen table.

 I immediately put the gift up and ripped the card. I knew not to call you to remind you about it. I knew that you were aware that it was still here. I knew that you wouldn't call and ask about it. That was the moment I knew you felt nothing. That was probably the most honest you had ever been with me. 

I try not to use the word "hate" when it comes to you, but that's honestly the only emotion that can help me get past you. I hate you. That way we are even. You don't deserve the word love. A person who doesn't even believe in my creator, THE creator of LOVE... and you think you can just say it... 

Please.

I know about all the girls too. Including my friend. Funny, you are so attentive... such a good listener, speaker.. but for all the wrong reasons. You used those good qualities for your own selfish reasons. You used em on her too. And she was gullible enough to believe you. Well, so was I.. so I can't even blame her. But that's just another example to show how much of a waste you are. 

I hope one day you come across this. I hope it burns you the way you burned me. You are a lonely boy. One with no sense of real direction and I hope you never experience such a gift as love. You don't deserve it. For all the hearts you've collected, you have enough love for the rest of your life. Right?