Unmasked Idiosyncrasies

I struggled with vulnerability. My fear was being the only person phased by certain situations. We have been taught to hold in our feelings, put up the facade that we are OK, but sometimes we arent ok. sometimes we hurt. To be honest, we hurt more than we smile. And when trained to feel as though you cant express yourself, those hurts get harbored.

For a whiiiile, I had been trying to find the "right way to say this"; how to get my feeings across without vulnerability being an issue, but finally after a series of events yesterday, i just couldnt hold my feelings in. I started to tweet, but decided against it... "hmm maybe ill just blog...".

While typing, I caught myself giving off a tone where I was trying to give off an optimistic vibe, when in reality, I felt so negatively. I became so frustrated, I began to cry. Where can I be me?! My journal wasnt enough. I had to release.

I wasnt too surprised that my tweets were getting favorited... most posts were general. What shocked me was how many people I reaaaallllly affected by my honesty. How many young women AND men could relate to my thoughts when im just being Aaminah. I had been so bent out of shape when it came to writing or simply tweeting. so many blog posts are still drafts, tweets deleted...all because a lot of us find ourselves holding back because we fear being too open or, at least I felt, like the more I opened up the more id seem desperate, weak, lonely, etc. But honestly I only felt that way when I wouldnt post my blogs, when I wouldnt tweet.

I wasn't sure until this very moment that this is what God wants me to do. This is my life. To unmask my idiosyncrasies for the ladies and gentlemen that didn't know it was okay. This blog will be what I intended it to be and I'm so ready to motivate and inspire others. My life has has had soooo many obstacles in it that caused me to question God. I'd always hear the same thing: "one day you will be a help to someone that needs you... someone that is going through a situation you already went through." And now I understand.

I have so much love in me. So much to really give to you guys and I cant wait to give to you all I have. I cant wait to give you me. Love.